I've become acustom with insomnia lately, the stress of school, work and well just life has me tossing and turning until early in the morning. When i finally get to sleep i have i think one of the most disturbing nightmares ever, in it im alone in a dark room in front of a blank screen that just flashes the words i hate to hear....fat....ugly....pathetic...stupid...then i wake up in a cold sweat, shaking and crying. I have issues i know, but i just wish the dreams would stop. I have an idea why i have them, I feel like a complete ass b/c i failed school this semester my parents have to pay for my school now and i DID have a 2000 dollar scholarship, so now we have to dish out 900 some odd dollars for me and it was all well and good until we got the loan denied by the bank b/c they have a couple of loans out for the baby...so naturally i feel like an ass why should they suffer for my mistake, it feels like sophmore year all over again, i dont want to screw up something that they want so bad...idk how but ill make it up to them...maybe pick up a few shifts or something, and life has been rough lately, but its kind of getting better broch and i have mended somethings in our relationship, and are working on a few other things...and work..well work is hell..i the nursing home business is depressing, im attached to all of my residents and they are dropping like flies..i use that term because well b/c of my line of work i have become..well a heartless bitch..sry but there isnt a lighter term for that im so used to death and pain that it doesnt even phase me anymore...and i hate that...but someone has to look after these ppl..i mean if you think about it they are the generation that harbored ours, they took care of us now we have to take care of them...so for now ill suck it up and keep on my fake facade smile and work with my head held somewhat high..other than all this im doing quite well heh..hope this didnt depress anyone.





live and let live


tifanie